An Ex-Dancer’s Tale

Emma Landenberger, a first-year student at the University of Vermont, shared her story on International Dance Day. This is that story.

“I’m an ex-dancer with an eating disorder and here is my story.

It was in the 6th grade, I had been dancing ballet since I was 3 years old. The artistic director of Barrington Dance Ensemble and owner of Barrington Dance Academy Mary Brennan told me to stop eating so many sandwiches because I couldn’t afford my stomach getting bigger.

Again in middle school, this same woman would constantly comment on my snack choices. She pretended it was out of care to make sure we were giving our bodies the nutrition we need when really it fueled self-hate.

As I got older it never stopped. The talk about being thinner was basically preached at us. It was seen as the only way to be a good dancer. Before every costume fitting, we needed to lose weight. It was even suggested we pick up running in order to lose the extra five pounds.

It got to a point where I refused to eat. I found any and every excuse to not eat. I was in 8th grade when this started. And by my senior year, it was nowhere near ending.

It wasn’t until covid hit when I finally took a step back and realized what I was putting my body through. Many injuries can be attested to lack of nutrition and clumps of my hair still fall out today as a result of the prolonged nutrient deficits.

Today I try and focus on learning how to love myself again. And to be proud of the space I take up.

On international dance day, I encourage all current and ex dancers to share their struggles. Let people know they are not alone.

If you are struggling let me be the first to tell you that you are beautiful and that you are enough. Don’t let the words of others bring you down.

The dance world needs to be changed. And it’s vital that it happen now.”